I will not

I will not let this bring me down. I felt so positive yesterday, usually there is a lot of wallowing around this time of year. This time of year being winter, valentine's day, and the anniversary of my grandma's death. I felt great, I smiled to myself at the resilience I have, my health and well being, the new addition to my family, I cheered right up. I went to yoga and felt better, even though I found surprising aches in my body from the boulder incident. The thing I will not let bring me down is my unemployment claim.

"There is an issue on your claim which is currently being reviewed. Payment cannot be made until all issues are resolved. Please continue to file your biweekly claims."

Despite, the financial troubles the school I worked for is finding itself in they still have time to appeal my claim. Always out for a buck they are. I will not let this bring me down, it just means that I need to get a hustle on finding a job and, redirecting my life into something that I will be able to enjoy and not become clinically depressed from.

Please let the posi vibes flow, filled with courage, and hope.

Yep

My artwork is in a group exhibition at Fleisher. I figured I should probably post about it since there is a reception on Friday from 5:30 to 7:30. I'm also the Flat File artist on display in the same building. It will be a nice contrast, old b&w church photographs on the outside and a new colorful, sequined collage in the gallery.

Music....

There have been two people born on this day who have made me dance my butt off. Oh how I miss those days, spinning around, sweating buckets, being absolutely ridiculous, and filled with joy. Here is some music introduced to me by those two lovely, awesome gentlemen....

Black eyes

My friend said, "You look like such a bad ass."

Ha....

Shortly after I wrote that last blog post on Tuesday I was headed on an adventure. I headed out with Kershaw, Cat, and Miner to Allentown because, being unemployed allows you to have adventures on Tuesday afternoons. Why were we in Allentown? To go to a record store, I didn't know this initially but, I wound up with three records, getting to know Cat a little more, and was entertained for hours. I managed to find albums by bis and clockcleaner, as well as, a Johnny Cash gem titled "Everybody Loves a Nut". Over an hour later, Cat and I, were antsy to leave so, we managed to harass the dudes enough to get going (we cut their trip short, there may have been some crying). Headed over to Zandy's for food because, in Allentown, there isn't much. The record store owner was stumped when we asked if there was a coffee shop around to sit at.

After this, we ended up in Lambertville. Warm beverages in hand, we embarked on a towpath onto a wing dam. It was awesome to sit out, stare up at the stars, and take in the light of the moon. When it was time to leave, we headed back up the boulders that lead to the dam, this is when it went down hill. I managed to bash my face into a boulder. I slipped or tripped and fell. It felt like slow-mo but, it happened so fast. They said the sound was horrible and I could tell by their faces it was not good. Living the klutz life has led me to not freak out anymore when injuries happen. My forehead swelled up to the size of a golf ball in a matter of seconds, I broke my glasses but they are fixable. There has been some crazy face transformations in the days since, right now I'm nursing two black eyes. It's like experimenting with eyeshadow, I think the shade of purple is a little too deep.

On top of all this, there is just stupid girl drama about a bachelorette party. I pretty much never want to be a bridesmaid ever again. I can't stand lack of communication, pissing contests in the form of I know what's best/I know her best, and having any suggestions given pushed aside. I should have kept my mouth shut the entire time because right now, I know I'm going to be given the stink eye from just about everybody. I will be ok though if I never have to hear the term "kosher sushi" ever again.

Trust, Honesty, and Hope

Oh man...life is weird when you don't have a job. I've spent many of days just sitting with my Dad watching really horrible tv, while looking for jobs, and figuring out my next step. I was encouraged to apply for unemployment benefits, I was approved but, my friend burst my bubble last night and explained that it didn't mean much. As in, I may not get a payment for quite awhile or at all, especially if my former place of employment chooses to appeal it. Which they will, they are jerks. They are even jerky enough to stiff me on my last four hours of pay, it wasn't a lot but really?

Ah well, I've been asking the universe a lot for some direction. I've also been asking for trust, honesty, and hope. I want to follow my heart because, my gut has been wrong so many times before. I want to warm my face in the sun and know my place in this world. I thought I had it figured out before but, things change.

Searching

How do you figure out what is in your heart? Then, how do you follow it?

I posed this question to friends on facebook and have gotten some interesting responses. I gained some valuable insights and advice but, some things just don't fit for me. I grew tired of "What color is your parachute?", read "The Alchemist", followed what my brain was telling me to do, listened to my gut, suggestions, and more suggestions. I've tried being many things and none seem to fit. I'm at a loss....